The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize