So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
my liver is dry heaving
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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