I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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