I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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