I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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