cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
did i just pee glitter
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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