k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
