I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Where did you get a picture of my penis
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
