I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
