I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
