Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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