just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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