Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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