as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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