I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
