and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
