we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
