why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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