Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
