My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize