1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
