on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
