Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
