Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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