Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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