you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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