would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
