Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
