It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Green mimosas i think yes
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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