Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
