i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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