Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
