Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
