wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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