You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
