Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Please, let me fuck your mom
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
