Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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