Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
