It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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