I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
