The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize