He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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