You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I want her autograph on my taint
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
