Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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