I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
