The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
