he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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