The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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