Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
