Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
