she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
