i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
