I accidentally had phone sex last night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
