i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
