I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
