Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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