Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize