hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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