i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
