Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
