I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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