Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize