You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
