there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
