the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize