Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
