TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Randomize
