Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
