Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
