So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
