Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
