brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
