By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
