either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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