mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Randomize
