i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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