my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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