I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
