In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
