have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
