Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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