he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
