great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
