Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Of course I have a pirate flag
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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