White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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