No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
