Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
