Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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