I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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