Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
