Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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