Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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