my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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