i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
