Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
