Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
