The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
