I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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