Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
