woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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