I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
now i know why i became what i already was.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
